5 Things I Would Do With $1,000,000 (musings on a Wednesday afternoon)

At about 3:30 every day, I start fantasizing about what I would do if I won the lottery. I’m not talking about a piddly $100 winner. I’ve won a couple of those on scratch tickets in the past. I immediately “reinvest” my winnings and, up until this point, my portfolio hasn’t done very well. I’m talking about the big money… the REAL prize… ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

It may surprise you that I’ve done the actual research on this. I went to the Massachusetts Lottery website and found that they don’t give you the million bucks outright. You can get the full million if you agree to $50K per year for 20 years. If you want the cash payout right now, you’re going to get $650,000 and owe a whooooooole bunch of tax. My very-wise stockbroker boyfriend says you’d end up with a final total of about $450,000.

That’s neither here nor there, though. I’m taking the cash and running. Sadly, it’s not enough to live off of for the rest of my life, so I’ll have to keep my job. I would love (LOVE) to grab my purse and saunter out the door, but I know better than to burn any bridges.

  1. Immediately pay a massage therapist to just follow me around for a year. Whenever I have a little twinge in my shoulder or neck, I’m going to just point. He’ll be right there and he’ll be ON IT. (He will also be fabulously good-looking. Probably best if he’s gay, to make the aforementioned boyfriend happier.) I’m figuring this will set me back $70K. $380K remaining.
  2. I’m headed to the American Legion Post 21 in Concord, NH. I’m going to plop down $5,000, which will be enough money to buy everyone in the place drinks for a month. $375K remaining.
  3. Here’s one that’s just practical, but I can’t ignore it. I’m going to put some money down on a house so I can QUIT throwing money at landlords. It’s not going to be extravagant, but it’s going to be near a beach… close enough to hear the ocean. A condo will be fine, so I can up and go on vacation, and someone else will shovel the driveway. I don’t need to pay for the whole kit and kaboodle; I’ll just put $95K down. $280K remaining.
  4. “Kids, get your passports! We’re going to Paris!” I did a study abroad in Paris in 1987, and I had no money. Thank goodness for crepe stands, or I wouldn’t have eaten dinner very often. Walking up the Champs Elysee, I would linger in front of the beautiful people at the beautiful boutiques or the beautiful cafes and imagine what it would be like to come back WITH CASH. We’re totally doing it. 10 days. Pack your bags. I’m not holding back on this trip… I’m guessing $60K to do it right. $220K remaining.
  5. I know you’re hoping I’ll say something charitable here… I WANT to say something charitable… There are so many worthy charities out there like this and this and this!! I just…well… it’s not part of the fantasy.  Please understand and don’t judge me. I’m throwing one hell of an outstanding, amazing, phenomenal, 3-day party at a spectacular beach venue with a fantastic band and fabulous food. We’re going to party late into the evening (at age 52, I’m talking at LEAST 10pm), get up, and do it all over again… twice. I figure another $200K for that…which leaves $20-stinking-K remaining, which I will invest with my stockbroker boyfriend and hope that he can magically rebuild it to $1,000,000 — quickly!!

Listen to “If I Had $1,000,000” by Barenaked Ladies here

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